Sunday evening melancholy often hits me hard, and I end up lying in bed, unable to sleep, trying to figure out if life is full of futility or purpose. Tonight I'm feeling more focused than usual, because classes resume tomorrow at the college where I teach, and I'm putting the finishing touches on my syllabus (can't you tell?)
Tonight, the Sunday night sum-up is pretty good. I've been thinking about friends a lot. I spent Thursday night having dinner and conversation with some relatively new friends. At this point in my life, it's pretty rare that I have time and opportunity to make new friends, especially male friends. I meet people all the time, but they tend to be women about my age, with children. It looks like I might actually be making some nice friends who are both older and younger than me, with completely different lives, issues, careers, etc. It's kinda nice. Thanks Bill, Brett, and Patti, for a nice evening.
I spent Saturday going to New York with my two college roommates to celebrate the 40th birthday of another college friend. We went to a surprise 70's theme costume party. Most of my college friends were there, and we had a great time dancing, drinking, and reminiscing. I love being with them because they are all great people who are funny, smart, and fun. Also, for a few hours, we got to be who we've always been with each other -- Staci, Lucy, Jan, Val, Debbie, El, Renee, Charlie, Matt, Gary, etc. No getting acquainted, no summing up, and no trying to impress. I look at them and they seem mostly the same as when I was partying with them at Cornell twenty years ago...and they see me the same way. There's comfort and security in knowing that we've got each others' backs forever, no questions asked.
It's hard, maybe impossible, to get to the same place with new friends. The college folks have years of joint misadventures, shared trust, and growing up together behind them. Nonetheless, I like making new friends (sounds a little trite, but how else do I say it?) Just as I like reliving my past with my old buddies, I like sharing my present with the new ones. Plus, new friends challenge me. My college gang is made up mostly of people like me...similar life experiences, similar views, similar ages. Newer acquaintances aren't necessarily drawn from a readily available pool of women my own age, like I had in college. Hence, I hear new views, new ways of looking at things, new perspectives. All of which makes my life more interesting.
As Jan and I took the train back from NYC this afternoon, she fell asleep reading her book. She was snoring a little and it made me chuckle. I sat there as the train swayed, drinking soda, reading a little, and looking at the houses and trees rushing by the window. Completely peaceful, completely comfortable. Being friends, having friends. That's something I can count on on Sunday night.
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4 comments:
Man. 40? You hang with some really ancient geezers. You're right, though, friends can up the happy and comfort level of life, I'm glad for the opportunity to be counted as one of yours.
Elin--I'm reading and still avoiding the Family Stone edition.Bill can't even say the word "geezer" to anyone else with a straight face--I turned 55 today and it's all good!! Everyday brings new people into my life--problem is I can't remember how I met them--school, work, my business or other places.Let's do the Tap thing again soon.
Hope your class went fine albeit the storm.
I had a friend who said her favorite activity was going to other people's fortieth birthday parties, back when we were all turning forty a few years back. It's stuck with me -- I guess because there's really nothing about turning 30 you want to celebrate and I can't imagine turning 50 is going to be all that much fun. But forty seems just about right.
Nice post.
I agree, we should have dinner at the Tap real soon. Don't worry, I'll manage to balance Bill out with my own puritanical ramblings.
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