Tuesday, November 08, 2005

After thoughts

I've been pondering the question one of my brethren asked me during class when I said that I write only for the class: "Your friends and family read it though, right?"

Well, no. They don't know that it exists, and I'm certainly not pushing them to read. I have a blog for one of the classes I teach, and my students read that -- but not this.

Why not? This is a question that has continued to nag me through out this course, not just about me but about others. I am carefully controlling who read this. Why? Well, in part to keep it about blogging for this class. If I start introducing others, I will inevitably start changing the tone and content, however unconsciously, to meet their expectations. Or I will feel constrained by the fact that they are reading it, and start to write self-consciously. That is because (head hangs in shame) I care about what others think. Yes! That must be why, otherwise, what the heck, let 'em all read it, right? But as Holly says, "We are written by our blogs," AND I suggest, our blogs are written by us...the "us" we choose to be at that moment. I enjoy being Grad Student Blogger Girl. I don't want English Professor Person, Old College Friend, or Wife/Mother/Neighbor Mode to intrude. I know I'm not saying anything new, but it keeps buzzing around my brain like a fly: the beauty of the blogging persona, the appeal of the blogging persona, the versatility of the blogging persona. It's like going to a costume party: I can be whoever I want, as long as I keep the mask on. Lift the mask, and the persona is destroyed. I guess that's why I think authenticity is so important -- we need to stay in character.

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